Loss & Life: What I know

19 APRIL 2009. "I was having fun that night then suddenly a terrible thing happened..."

Really, It is hard to lose a friend who had been a part of your life. Why? You will really miss the good ol' times. The times you both laughed and cried, you both sung and danced, you both shared and gave. I never felt this feeling. It really hurts knowing that this friend of yours will not return anymore. All that was left was him lying perfectly still in the casket at the funeral, you will really miss those times, and it was hard to accept the fact that he was dead, and I was still in a state of denial.


April 19, 2009. It was a fine, ordinary Sunday. All was well and fine at the Church, and the service is an accomplishment, I thought this will be a perfect day. However, the clouds dimmed and the brilliance of the sun was covered by tick, gray and black clouds, and the sky broke with rain. I thought it will not last for long, but I was flabbergasted to see the rain pouring heavily on the grounds matched with thunderstorms and lightning all the time. I thought "Ah no sun, no fun."  I went to a party of a good friend of mine, then I went home, I looked at the clocked. It was 30 minutes past 10 in the evening. I watched the evening news and grabbed the newspaper for that day, then my brother approached me and broke to me the news even greater than what I was watching. I stopped for a while and thought it can't happen or maybe it is just a bad joke or something. That night, while the storm came crashing steadily, I still can't hardly sleep due to the terrible fact that I learned, I know he can't be dead, I am sure he was still alive. That morning, one trusted friend confirmed me the terrible news, knowing that, I can't hardly speak, I can't barely laugh or move an inch for I was just completely shocked.


I really just can't. This must be the feeling every person do not want or even think of. That night, we went to the funeral, and the thing that I always deny was really real. Yes, he was there, but now lifeless. I can't look at him directly and it is hard to utter anything, I really can't. I cried at that moment, remembering all the things that transpired, and all the moments that he was still there with us. I can't accept the fact that he was really dead. Later before I slept, I cried again, I really can't accept but this was reality. He already passed away; that is reality. But I know one thing.


God has a purpose for everything and every circumstance that we encounter are a huge part of his perfect plan. We may not realize it but He is right there. I may not know His plan very well, but what I know is that he was with the Lord. Yes, he was in heaven with the Lord, and I know that is where he truly deserves to be. Knowing that person, he became a dedicated presence after several camps and fellowships. He became active in all of the services and ministries. He was a great drummer, a good and humble person, and he knows how to put his foot on the ground. He was a true friend of God. He was such a great loss for all of us but still he had been a good friend. We will really miss you and also your jokes and antics, all of your presence and dedication, JAM will surely remember you. 


As you read this, you may or may not feel what I have felt that time - all the pain and sorrow. You may experienced greatly that what I have encountered or none. But I know one thing, His ways are unimaginable and unpredictable but his perfect plan will never fail. He was now indeed happy for he was with the Lord and Our Savior. Whatever you're feeling right now, God's word says:


"Come to me all of you weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)


It maybe difficult, It maybe painful but just come to the Lord with all your heart and soul, and He will give you comfort and rest.


Just be still and know that He is God.